Libra (Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)
No sign struggles more with the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde syndrome like Libra. A Libran will smile bright enough to light a cave while making you feel like a heap of toilet paper in a flooded trench. You won't know whether to run from them or kiss 'em for their sado-masochistic charm. Ultimately, they're just indecisive and can't make up their minds about whether to pull you closer or flit off to torture someone else. So they just keep on hangin' on until you bribe them to leave you alone, or they get a better offer.
Scorpio (Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)
When the sea-monster that swims around the whirlpool of a Scorpio's heart is aroused over some perceived or actual wrong, it wants nothing but complete, blood-dripping and annihilating revenge on his or her former beloved. Any secrets and tidbits of information that you innocently handed over to your Scorpio date before you roused the Beast can and will be used against you in the courtroom where Scorpio serves as prosecutor, defender, judge, jury and executioner.
Sagittarius (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
The Centaur's love of sport, adventure and philosophy can turn into a real scary movie when he or she mistakes your heart for a soccer ball. It's not that they intend to be malicious when they never introduce you as their girlfriend or boyfriend (as to avoid commitment); or when they wax poetically and philosophically about your need for more intimacy (without giving it); or when they book a week-long vacation to Australia (without you). As they might say, "Stuff just happens."
Capricorn (Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)
Creepicorn is what happens when your Capricorn's blood temperature drops and decides that your best use is as a tool for some plot du jour cooked up in their brains. This sign's fears can go deep and long, so they can turn on you, because they "thought" you might not be up to any good, without any conclusive evidence. So without warning or provocation, the Cap might tell you that your whole dating experience was his or her way to get back at an ex from 20 years ago, without remorse or regret.
Aquarius (Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)
The creep fest with Aquarius is at least a crowded experience. As they love their friends so, Aquarians may never show or let you know how you're different or more special than the gaggle of derelicts, nuts and geeks who masquerade as his or her friends and who seem to follow them at every turn. If you're looking for intimacy at a restaurant or even your own couch, you'd better be prepared to share your date with his or her network at a moment's notice.
Pisces (Feb. 19 to March 20)
The squirm-n-scream appeal of Pisces will at least make you feel like a movie star. It's just that no one told you it was a horror flick. The Pisces will spend an exorbitant amount of time, money (if they have it) or attention on building the perfect set for the movie that is your relationship. As they're especially romantic, they'll even create a musical score. You'll feel wonderful and special. Then, suddenly and most likely through some third party -- like a text message, email, voice mail or gossip columnist -- you'll learn you've been cut out of the movie and your part has even been re-written. The explanation will be lame, so don't try to make sense of it. You won't be invited to the wedding, where your Pisces will again spend an exorbitant amount of time, money…
Dating Horrors for Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo and Virgo »
About the Author
Samuel Reynolds has been a practicing astrologer for over 14 years. He is the co-creator of the Zodiac Lounge, a roving renewal center featuring body workers and psychics in New York City, and The Astrology Career Institute, a new center for training professional astrologers.
