You've been hoping that your relationship might not be over, but you know in your heart that it is. Its been a long time since you've heard from him and you know through the grapevine that he has a new life. You are trying to let go and move on, but you just feel like you cant. Sometimes it feels like you are dying inside. How will you ever get over him?
Perform a Relationship Autopsy
What caused the death of the relationship?
Did the heart of the relationship break down due to a lack of maintenance? Did you take each other for granted? Were you mismatched from the beginning?
Make a list of positives and negatives.
Fold a paper in two, lengthwise and make two columns. Title the first column, "Positive" and the second column, "Negative". Honestly list all of the positives and negatives about the dearly departed relationship.
If the negative side is longer, why are you so sad? Feel happy that you are now free to start over, fall in love all over again and make a fresh start!
If the positive side is longer, then yes, you are probably in a lot of pain, and the only way out of the pain is to work through it. If this relationship was so positive, you must now decipher how it came to pass away in the manner that it did. You will need to make an inventory of the causes of "death".
Make another list.
Use one column for your contributions to the death and the other column for his. Again, which side is longer? What do you learn by analyzing your lists? What patterns emerge in this and other autopsies pointing to the mistakes you have been repeating.
Bury Your Relationship
Now that you have ascertained the cause of death, it is time to allow the relationship to rest in peace.
Perform Your Personal Memorial Service
Put away all of the little reminders and mementos that keep evoking your sadness. Put them away in a box, somewhere obscure in your house, or if you are really strong, throw them out!
If there are belongings of his at your residence, pack them up and ship them to him. Do not hold on to them. They are either insignificant to him or he is trying to avoid drama by not picking them up in person. Don't enclose any heartfelt note and don't damage them; just ship them to him.
Do not stalk him in any way, shape or form. Don't access his voicemail, don't check his email and don't go online with his passwords for his match listing or his cell phone. This behavior keeps you focused on information that is only going to hurt you. You cannot control him, and it is none of your business what he is up to. He is no longer your partner. Let go. It's called a breakup because it is "broken".
The healing time for each and every individual varies. Allow yourself time to heal and to feel better. Treat yourself to learning something new, beginning to live the life that you have always imagined yourself living, let the travel bug bite you if you are so inclined. Take care of you, right now.
Strictly discipline yourself to put his life out of your mind and to focus on yours. It is hard, but in awhile, you will begin to feel better. You will be ready to date again and life will resume a normal rhythm, but you have to take the time to heal. When the relationship is over, hard as it may be, accept it, autopsy it, mourn it, grieve it, take time to heal, learn from it, and then move on!
Perform a Relationship Autopsy
What caused the death of the relationship?
Did the heart of the relationship break down due to a lack of maintenance? Did you take each other for granted? Were you mismatched from the beginning?
Make a list of positives and negatives.
Fold a paper in two, lengthwise and make two columns. Title the first column, "Positive" and the second column, "Negative". Honestly list all of the positives and negatives about the dearly departed relationship.
If the negative side is longer, why are you so sad? Feel happy that you are now free to start over, fall in love all over again and make a fresh start!
If the positive side is longer, then yes, you are probably in a lot of pain, and the only way out of the pain is to work through it. If this relationship was so positive, you must now decipher how it came to pass away in the manner that it did. You will need to make an inventory of the causes of "death".
Make another list.
Use one column for your contributions to the death and the other column for his. Again, which side is longer? What do you learn by analyzing your lists? What patterns emerge in this and other autopsies pointing to the mistakes you have been repeating.
Bury Your Relationship
Now that you have ascertained the cause of death, it is time to allow the relationship to rest in peace.
Perform Your Personal Memorial Service
The healing time for each and every individual varies. Allow yourself time to heal and to feel better. Treat yourself to learning something new, beginning to live the life that you have always imagined yourself living, let the travel bug bite you if you are so inclined. Take care of you, right now.
Strictly discipline yourself to put his life out of your mind and to focus on yours. It is hard, but in awhile, you will begin to feel better. You will be ready to date again and life will resume a normal rhythm, but you have to take the time to heal. When the relationship is over, hard as it may be, accept it, autopsy it, mourn it, grieve it, take time to heal, learn from it, and then move on!
